12:08 am… Lying on my back, slowly drifting… fading to sleep…Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…. The soothing sound of the humidifier misting cool air into the room.. Thinking of how I’m too tired now, to put pen to paper and give instructions for my survivors concerning my death… I should have written down the basics… No gathering, no viewing, no funeral… No celebration of my life…only  a phone call to the phone number I have left…notifying the funeral home that I have died….& to come and pick me up…& take me to the funeral home and burn me… I’m really quite glad to be gone… My life was mostly misunderstandings, heartache, confusion, and my never really quite finding the words to explain the mostly horror of it all… That’s funny, as if  it were worth explaining…. With me the cumulative effect of living has caught up with me after 65 years…  I’m dark and dismal… My family has little use for me… and I don’t blame them in  the least… I’m a difficult person to be around…and I view my life as cursed…. The birth of my son back in 2008 was / is the most joy that I’ve ever felt in my troubled life… Now he is 12 years old… He is full of  life But I fear and believe that I’ve already lost him.. as I am living in the past, and he is living in the future… I believe  he will have a really good life… And I hope he will remember how much I loved him……12:35 am…lying on my back… Slowly drifting…fading to sleep…. inhale exhale,,, inhale exhale… The soothing sound of the humidifier misting cool air into the room… Thinking about how tired I am, but at least I left instructions about what to do when I die… as I fade away, wave & die….is this real or a dream?… I can’t tell the difference any more…

left instructions About what to do when I die….As I fade away….& wave…

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