APPROACHING MY FINAL EXIT

WHAT HAUNTED EDGAR ALLEN POE? A LOT of things, I’m sure. I’ll get to that in a bit. The following is one of my turns, sometimes I get turned back around and sometimes I don’t. This one is a bad one.

“TO BE OR NOT TO BE”, IT TURNS OUT, really is a great question, if not THE QUESTION.

KNOW THIS: Yes, life should be viewed as a gift. If one can grab hold and stay on to this, it is a big help.

KNOWING THIS: Setting all the positive stuff aside … I find my spirit broken by a haunting awareness that everything, everyone I love, will slowly be ripped from me; slowly taken from me, slowly finagled from me, slowly lost by me. Then comes my death and judgment.

I condemn myself before all and before God. For me to believe after living the life that I’ve lived, that I will close my eyes on this side and wake up in paradise, seems like utter nonsense to me. Don’t misunderstand, God has provided the way of salvation. I find myself unable and unqualified to receive it. My life at most times now is living torture. I would be happy to fade to nothingness, to have no awareness of a past, present, or hope of a future. I loathe this miserable death planet. I am weary from the darkness of my own heart, I am double weary from the darkness of everyone else heart. This whole world system is going to hell in a nice handbasket and I’m going with it. This very well could be my last exit. I am tired, I view this life as an unfortunate detour. Although I stand guilty and accept responsibility and accountability. I find a peculiar situation, seems that life is thrust upon us, ready or not, and we are forced to just deal with it. Well, I tried, and I failed, turns out my flesh and blood father was right. He was so accurate as he “pointed me out” one glorious get together among brothers, sisters, and family, saying ” Hey, everyone, want to see a loser?”… Looking back, how could any man bring himself to say this to his first of four kids, his ten-year-old son, Frank. Does a man have to say all that he thinks? … So now, I think I’m done, especially with this writing charade. Learn what you might, from what I’ve put forth at littleraventhepoet.blog…Frank.

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