THE PLIGHT OF MEN NAMED ALVIN

I have a friend, I’ve never seen, he hides his head inside a dream, yes only love can break your heart, only love can break your heart, what if our world should fall apart? … Neil Young … This has little or nothing to do with the story below … I just love the song …

CHANGING GEARS … I was walking my dog on the Appalachian Trail this morning in Virginia … many thoughts came into my head … One was about a future potential friend who I haven’t met yet, his name is Alvin … He comes highly recommended from a loved one of mine ( my daughter, Lauren), so that’s good enough for me …

I was thinking about some studies I have recently read in medical journals, focusing on the peculiar behavior of most men named Alvin … they are quite entertaining … For instance, many wives, girlfriends, acquaintances, of men named Alvin have gone to the trouble of documenting some things they have experienced. One story from a woman in South Carolina ( smirk ) … goes like this, ” When Alvin and I go to a park for a nice walk … just to enjoy being together … and clear our minds of life’s troubles … Alvin (without warning) will get down on his hands, stretch out his legs behind him and scurry around “on all fours” stopping suddenly, standing up with his hands tucked in front of his chest, head darting around as if looking for nuts, while making these chipmunk-like chirping sounds”… I, of course, am worried about Alvin. I mean, you should see and hear some of the reactions and comments of the public, watching this display, which often lasts 10 minutes. ie: “Look, he thinks he’s a chipmunk, here boy, you want a handful of nuts.”… Then heartily laughing with his friends …Here’s another one, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to strange smells and oftentimes it is peanut butter … Alvin will have walked in his sleep … gone to the kitchen, located a jar of peanut butter, opened the top … stuck his middle finger in there and proceeded to eat about 1/4 of the jar of peanut butter … I guess he then falls asleep, then I wake up with peanut butter in my hair, and it seems as if he tries to place his finger right under my nose, where I can smell it … as I have often risen to a peanut butter mustache …There are many cases of men named Alvin always commenting to loved ones and even strangers that their farts always smell like peanut butter … I guess things could be worse … Frank …

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