MY RECENT MENTAL CONDITION

HERE IS THE SCOOP. Three nights ago, at around three A.M. … I awoke from a severe haunting dream. I was down on my hands and knees right beside my bed. There are two nightstands, one to my right at the head of the bed, and one also to my right at the foot of the bed, up against a wall that is about four feet from the bed. As I awoke, my heart was stressed and pounding … the right side of my forehead had hit the nightstand at the head of the bed, as I rubbed it in pain. My feet had swung around and hit the nightstand at the foot of the bed as things were knocked over ( I found out later.) I had a small cut on my left index finger. I was stunned and startled, as my body felt like it had been slammed on the floor.

I could barely get to my feet and lay down on the bed. It was about three or four minutes before my heart calmed down and I started reflecting on what had happened. I believe it all started in the dream. The dream was so real and surreal. It seemed that the location of the dream was in an office building, as it was a setting that seemed to involve people and places of everywhere I had ever been employed in my working days. I was being berated by two tall men, one in each corner of the room where this took place. They were vicious, and we’re kind of tag-teaming, taking turns coming at me and beating the hell out of me. I remember the last part of the dream, one of these strange entities ( they seemed like men) came charging at me like a raging bull. I remember after waking up and reflecting on the last seconds of this dream, it seems either I was bodily slammed or I threw myself out of the way of the charging man. I can’t honestly recall or say what happened. However, the dream was a little bit too real. I can say that for sure.

Some of you may not understand or believe what I am going to say, perhaps some of you will. The bottom line is it was real to me. It was severe and vicious and very overwhelming. Since 1981 and my salvation experience, I have been attacked in my sleep very many times through the years. Mentioning 1981 and being attacked since then leads me to say this. I have been writing for 40 years plus. As of today, I am approaching 1600 pieces of work. I mention that only to say it has been a very enjoyable experience but a very *trying one also. ( * I believe some of the attacks and trials, many misunderstandings, were because of the studies and my witness relating to God), and I know God worked through me to help many. ( I can think of three that died shortly after my witness to them, one the very next day.) Controversy has manifested in my life in various ways like a stalking shadow. ( through people, places, and circumstances.) At one period in the mid-90s, I went through a multiple-year season of bad panic attacks. I mean they were life-threatening, my heart racing, and death was heavy in my mind, I was sure I was going to die. In one of many episodes, I was living in Manassas, Va. at the time, I had undressed and was stepping into the shower, and Bam! this “presence, awareness” fell over me and I thought it was all over, I was going to die. At times I lived in fear of when the next attack would happen, it was very debilitating. Much prayer helped me through.

During this period, I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, and taking two classes every semester at Liberty University School of Lifelong Learning. I think the stress involved with being stretched with this load; might have contributed to my panic attacks but other things were going on. I was in a relationship that was on the decline. The person involved was fantastic, but the fallout involved us going in different spiritual directions. It was heartbreaking but had to take place. And I must say that as usual, my writing proceeded.

So, fast forward to these recent days, an opportunity has arisen where I can finally convert my life’s work into books. I plan on releasing several volumes as e-books and flipbooks. The accumulated writing has to be broken up into volumes. If I released it or produced it, in its entirety without being broken up, it would be a compendium of approximately four to five inches thick. The last four years have been very productive ( political satire, short stories, some of my quotes, lyrics, increased biblical studies) with my writing but somewhat difficult. So to wrap up, I beat up and exhausted at times, I’m not the young Buck I once was. I’m just trying, having entered and more than likely soon exiting this life as gracefully as possible. I am not currently on my deathbed, but for many reasons, I feel humanity, “this age” is on borrowed time and that includes me. Frankie The Earthman.

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