APPROACHING NEUTRALITY

The remembering of a peculiar dream and conversation: A close friend of mine and I were having a conversation about an upcoming heart procedure that he was going to have to endure.

He is 67. For almost all of his previous 66 years he enjoyed fairly good health. In fact, he had yet to experience any real debilitating disease. Making this long story shorter and easier to absorb, I will say this. My friend had developed Endocarditis from an infected tooth, the infection went unnoticed and presented itself in the form of a flu. The infection had also taken up residence in his heart and had damaged his Tricuspid heart valve. The valve would need replacement. He then told me, since the doctors had given a thumbs up appraisal of his overall heart health, ie: No Coronary Artery Disease or other; the doctors informed him that one of his options was to go into a “holding mode” and monitor the whole situation and see how it developed, possibly avoiding surgery. Possibly making his heart too risky to operate n the future.

To summarize, a long story that contain many other elements, my friend told me he was very depressed and felt like his life had been an utter and complete failure. He went on to tell me that he was in a “neutral state” concerning his surviving or dying during the heart procedure.

He explained that only important people in his life were worth living for, his wife, son, daughter and dog. He continued by saying he felt as if he didn’t have anything to offer society. He said he believed his time had come and gone, and that he was actually on borrowed time.

He further explained that he had a lot of debt from being in the hospital for almost a month and all of the associated costs. Although he had insurance it would still be a big burden. He wrapped up by saying that he believed that “He was worth more dead than alive to his family.” He was very concerned about being a burden. I just stared at the ground my eyes full of tears, as he told me his story. My only reply was that “life often puts us in situations where we can’t afford to do something and we can’t afford not to.” Frankie The Earthman.

Springtime snow…

is time had come and gone and that he was actually on borrowed time

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