FOR THE SAKE OF THIS POST, and to not identify who is who; I (Frankie) will play the role of listener,writer, and relayer of this sad story. The person telling about his life predicament will be called the tormented confessor.
So as to not relive the details of the confessors fairly normal youth, this story will begin with the confessors’ salvation confusion. ( I will refer to the confessor as “C” for the remainder of this story.)
C began by saying, “Looking back, ( C is now 68 years old) I have never been exactly comfortable as to when my salvation experience actually occurred,” Part of me believes it actually occurred during a TV broadcast session while watching a Billy Graham crusade revival in the early seventies. Another part of me believes it could ( in part ) have happened on a Sunday morning at a local Baptist church revival back in the spring of 1981, ( followed 2 weeks later by an experience at a wednesday night prayer meeting my first ever, said C ) where a manifestation of God took place, totally unexpected. The manifestation went like this. Several believers were gathered around ‘my’ table, which was one of four or five with several at each table. Partitions were drawn closed, dividing up the area for privacy. C went went on to say that “people began praying, and he felt like oil had hit the top of his head and ran down his face onto his shoulders.” C went on to explain it another way, he said “it felt as if a large blanket had hit the top of his head and draped over him.” C said he felt a comfortable presence. A few minutes had passed, and the comfortable presence lifted. The lighting had been lowered a little bit, but was returning to normal as the petitions opened up. C opened his eyes and quickly inquired to the others and asked if they had felt the presence, and what was it. One of the people at his table replied, “Oh, that was the Spirit of God.” In the ensuing months, C said, “I realized later, that at that prayer meeting I had been given gifts. The gift of evangelism, was the main gift.” C Began to have awareness of his gifts as many others told him they had never heard the gospel presented as he had told it. For several years C said he was on a supernatural high. As life goes, ‘way led on to way’ and the spiritual high had diminished though C was still very active in service to God. So, C said it might seem like nothing to many, but he has always been troubled about exactly when his salvation experience actually happened.
C continued to tell about persecution coming into his life, very troubling, and powerful persecution, ie: Without going into all of the details, C told me he had once lost a very valuable job, because he had been labeled as a religious recruiter. Apparently, one or more fellow employees complained about him sharing his beliefs in the work environment. This occurred during the time of Ronald Reagan leaving office and the democrats taking over. C had worked as a contractor revolving around military hardware. Political correctness had already begun.
C continued, he was very troubled at “not being able to attract a “Godly woman” into his life. C said, ” I condemned myself for not being able to attract a Godly woman and thought it was a reflection of his poor relationship and fellowship with God.” It remained an issue with C, even now.
C continued, he said,” I began being attacked in my sleep by spiritual entities. Many times in my sleep and dreams I was close to death from being attacked, from being strangled, from being held down and completely paralyzed. C said, “I struggled with wondering if the attacks were from Satan, or a chastisement from God. Anyway, C said, ” I blamed myself for these attacks and thought it was a reflection of my poor relationship with God. C said, “I currently have sleep problems. I often find myself awake, aware, but unable to move. Sometimes it takes a different form, I am often in a dream where I cannot catch my breath, it is absolutely terrifying.
C spoke of his current status: He said, ” I view my life as a failure ( though many would say, my life was fairly normal.) I have some reasons to continue living. I currently need more reasons to continue wanting to live in this ” end of an age” demonic system. C said, “It is unfortunate, but the current political push towards socialism and communism has politicized and weaponized EVERYTHING, life is too troubling. C also quipped,” I am comfortable with my dying, and often long for it, Sometimes I would just like to go to sleep and not wake up in this world. I often find myself exhausted and indifferent. I used to hold on to life, now I feel myself letting it go.” Our discussion ended with this. Finally, C whispered, “I am afraid I am a fraudulent christian.” Frankie The Earthman.
Frankie The Earthman 