When one has lost their want They know that the end must be near I don’t want anymore I want to turn my back on this curse and walk away Having not succeeded after 68 years, why would success come? I oftentimes wonder if freedom might be felt from a 50-story swan dive The impact must be momentary, and then the freedom comes hopefully It’s really beyond ‘not wanting’ anymore It’s the cold regret that memories of me would exist in others’ minds that I’ve left along the trail But my memories would die with me When a person gets too old, seems they are consumed with one crisis after another, if it’s not health, it’s a failing automobile, if it’s not a failing automobile, it’s a dying dog … DEATH, DEATH, DEATH… It’s another misunderstanding waiting around every corner with something or someone When one gets to this stage, very little refreshes, very little soothes, very little renews, and you stare into a black hole and want to disappear Then having passed on and being released from one’s self, does peace come? A walk in the cool of the day, through a meadow a forest, or along coastal waters, might be the help that is needed, but I often wonder if I can truly ascend and accept this relief that comes from God. Have I qualified or passed the test? ( been truly born from above?) God is gold, but He’s very elusive Love is gold but it never stays Relationships arise but they never last Something or someone always destroys Hanging on in quiet desperation seems to be the end. Climbing the 50 flights of stairs onto the rooftop, and taking the swan dive, headfirst into the concrete waiting below The problem is it doesn’t want anymore.

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